


That's All

by foundthesun



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Extended Scene, F/M, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8340235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foundthesun/pseuds/foundthesun
Summary: An attempt at opening up is made and its aftermath. (Vex POV fic, major spoilers from episode 72)





	1. Now.

**Author's Note:**

> Admittedly, I have always enjoyed examining scenes, so here we are (damn, Laura, all the feels last night, seriously). This first part is straight from episode 72 where Vex pulls Percy away to speak to him, with a bit added. Look for more soon.

Vex'ahlia doesn't know what she's doing.

The small surge of confidence that propelled her to ask Percy if they could speak privately in the first place is fading quickly now that they're alone and he's staring curiously at her. There'd been so much she'd wanted to say since he came back. It's all a jumble in her head, going so much deeper than the feelings that had been blossoming in her for longer than she'd admit to herself. No amount of practice for this, she knew, would ever make putting it all into words an easy task.

But she needs to. She needs to right now or she'll never forgive herself.

All she says comes out in a sort of flustered rush. Her bow is the only way she can think of to illustrate her point of how he's not even remotely the only one that constantly works to not use her weapon in a way that she'd lose herself. So she uses it, tells him things about it and her that she's not told anyone else about yet so openly. More importantly, she can finally, finally stress about how proud of him she is for being able to forgive someone who literally nearly took his life from him. He seems surprised by everything she's saying as she continues, though she embarrassingly can barely keep eye contact (focusing on the bow is helping with this too, as it turns out). If he cares, he doesn't mention it.

What he does is respond. Almost immediately, all she can see is the wheel of self-hatred start to rolling in his mind. It breaks her heart a little, especially knowing it's a feeling she knows too well. All it took was returning to her father and Syngorn to remember exactly how deeply ingrained the feeling of not being good enough and being a failure is in her. How much it still colors everything she does, likely even until now. Even when she struggled so hard against those feelings, even going so far as to scream at her father for being the asshole he was, in that moment, she still felt like the same young girl surrounded by cold stares. Nothing had changed.

Until it did.

Percy hadn't had to stand up for her then and demand they show her proper respect, he hadn't had to give her a title to throw in the faces of the people who never thought she'd amount to anything. He hadn't had to do so many things for her before that, too, even when he'd been gripped by a darkness it took her too long to notice. It'd been so consistent, not just for her but for everyone, and he didn't seem to register that at all to him as things not everyone would do. Vex couldn't and wouldn't let it continue. She interrupts him when she can see him spiraling deeper into the loathing. The surge of whatever is propelling her forward with this comes back with a vengeance and there's force in what she tells him because she knows it needs to be there. If she can do anything right then, if she can get anything through the fog of shame and pain she knows still clouds his head, it's to convey something very, very simple.

She believes in him. 

He's right that he can't take back the things he's done, but to allow the past to consume him so much that he'd write in that goodbye note that redemption was beyond his grasp isn't acceptable to her. Every step he's taken since what happened has been a step toward redemption, with the culmination of showing open forgiveness for someone who had taken part in destroying his life. If he can't see it, she's going to spell it out for him right then, right there. She'd keep spelling it out to him if she had to.

Percy is silent for a long beat after, looking as though he's been completely taken off guard by her sudden sincerity. When he finally speaks, the hard edge that had been in his voice earlier was gone, replaced by something quieter, more reflective. He even cracks a joke and it feels so good to laugh, if only to get rid of the thick tension around them for a brief moment. There comes a moment, though, where he brings up how he knows they're all good for each other. It's an opening for what she'd really meant to talk to him about. She knows that if there were ever a moment to tell him, it's now. She feels her heart thrumming quickly in her chest as that realization hits her and she can't calm it down. Can't calm _herself_ down.

...And she can't bring herself to do it, in the end.

Instead, all she does is agree with the sentiment. She feels so foolish even as it slips out of her mouth, but any consideration of grabbing the quickly closing window of opportunity is halted by a deep fear of losing him, of changing things between them. She'd been truthful in what she said to him that night when they were trying to get him back, even if he hadn't heard her - she needs him around. To potentially make things strange and uncomfortable between them feels like such a deep risk she can't push through. She's freezing up and she knows it.

They fall into a light, half-hearted banter and eventually, during another lull of silence, she can only think to utter a quiet, “...That's all I wanted to say.”

It's over. She just wants to go. Wants to put the space back between them until she can recover from this, shove every feeling down deep in her. If she did that, she'd be fine, they'd be fine, they'd have to be. What she'd told her brother the night before had been the truth - she is and can be happy enough with how things are, especially now that he's back and alive and here. She isn't fine now, but she will be.

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't even notice him approaching instead of leaving. When she does realize it, she barely has time to register what is happening before he leans down and captures her mouth with his.

Shock rippled through her and she stands as stiff as a statue against him, her senses swimming. Before she can do anything, respond in some positive way, he pulls away. They briefly lock eyes and she knows she's beet red, can feel the heat in her cheeks. There's no helping it at this point.

“We'll talk later,” he promises in a low voice, and though the words are simple, she can feel the weight in them. He walks away then, leaving her alone in the little alcove of trees they'd stepped into for privacy.

She stands there for a long while, completely and utterly gobsmacked. It's only when she hears her brother calling for her that she finally snaps out of her daze. After collecting herself for a moment, she heads back as well. Scanning the area, she spots Percy off to the edge of where everyone is gathered. From what she can see, he's very intently tinkering with one of his guns. He doesn't look at her when she emerges at all. It's probably for the best, all things considered.

“There you are,” a familiar voice behind her declares. She's not surprised when she turns her head to see no one there. She swats his hand away when she feels the telltale sign of him trying to play with her hair again, though she only waves at air. He must've pulled his hand away in time. “Where'd you run off to?”

She glances downwards, knowing she's still likely blushing furiously. “Just for a walk.”

“A walk? Interesting,” he muses, and even invisible, she can practically see the satisfied smirk on her brother's face. When he speaks again, his voice is noticeably lowered to just above a murmur. “...Because I could have sworn I just saw Percy walk out from the same direction. Are you blushing, sister?”

His tone is all amusement. Vex scowls a little at the teasing and, since he got close enough, she angles herself and elbows towards where she's sure he's standing. It solidly connects and the quiet grunt of pain is satisfying. 

"You're an ass," she informs him, and she hears a snort of amusement as she walks away to find something to busy herself with. He doesn't follow. Probably.

It's going to be a long couple of hours.


	2. Later.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After they return to Whitestone, a promised conversation is had.

She's silent for most of the return to Whitestone.

If she's honest, Vex'ahlia doesn't quite know what to do with herself once they're there. Everyone leaves to go their separate ways for the day – a calm before the coming storm - and Percy doesn't take long to disappear himself. She assumes he's going to his workshop when she notes this (because when _doesn't_ he go?), but it's not as though she's going to go check. For her part, she washes up and heads back to her room, if only to escape any sort of continual prying. She'd gotten a few curious glances as they'd headed back from not just her brother but from _everyone_ , with Grog even asking outright if she had some sort of fever with how flushed she looked.

Any thoughts of sticking around is gone when Pike offers to try to heal her.

So she waits and it's absolutely agonizing. She's never been mistaken for a patient person, but she tries and even succeeds...for a time. Minutes turned to hours and she watches from her bed as the sun sets. The sight is enough to make her seriously consider getting up and finding him herself. It's tempting, but it'd be a lie if she still wasn't nervous still. What if he isn't coming for a reason? What if he's changed his mind? What – what had he been thinking to begin with? He's never been easy to read, but this goes beyond what she's even used to.

More time passes.

She doesn't really have a plan when she finally gets up. It's like something in her had finally just breaks and she needs this to be done before she goes mad because it's just hanging over their heads. For all she knows, tomorrow they might be fighting dragons again and who knows when this 'later' will come. With her mind made up, she pauses only long enough to try to make herself presentable (she dons her nicer traveling clothes and fusses a little with her hair) before she starts to head out. She swings her door open like she always does, only to realize that instead of opening completely, it bangs hard into something standing there.

Or, more precisely, _someone_.

She peeks out and is surprised to find Percy there. The door had been apparently enough to make him lose his balance and he's sort of just sitting there, looking a little dazed and holding something in his arms.

“Percival?” she breathes out in realization. He looks up, his expression not much different than a caught animal. Without thinking, she hurries to his side, all the while saying, “Oh, darling, I'm sorry. I had no idea you were out here -”

He stands with her help. Closer now, she can see what he'd been holding was what looked to be absolutely beautifully crafted arrows.

“I guess I should've gathered my nerve a little faster,” he jokes with a weak laugh. He follows her gaze and he clears his throat. When she looks at him, his face is an interesting shade of red. “...Ah. Were you going somewhere? Because I can -”

“No. No, no,” she reassures, with a shake of her head for good measure. “I was coming to find you, actually. And here you are. Outside my room. How long were you standing there, exactly?”

“That's – well. Just a little while,” he says, but she sees he isn't looking at her in a way that makes her wonder if it was a little longer than that. It's tempting, but she doesn't point it out. “May I come in? I've brought you something.”

Judging by what he's holding, she can guess what the something is. The question is expected, too, but she feels her pulse jump a little anyway. “Well, the door's certainly open now.”

Looking sheepish, he nods and enters, with her following after to close the door behind her. She hesitates turning around, until she's sure she's pulled herself together. When she is, she turns and flicks her gaze from his face to what he'd been willing to fall for.

“You've brought me arrows,” she notes, and she can already feel the frustration of him not just coming to speak to her starting to melt away.

“I've brought you arrows,” he agrees, holding them out to her. She takes one, carefully inspecting it. For the most part, the things he's given her have always been decent quality. She can see the craftsmanship in this one, though, to the point she's nearly sure it's some of the best he's ever made, and he's made quite a few. “With what we're to face, I wanted to make sure you had ones you can count on.”

“They are impressively constructed,” she agrees, looking back up at him. It's hard not to notice the awkwardness hanging between them and for once, she refuses to accept it. Doesn't want to take a step back when they'd taken a step forward. “Percy, I've a thought.”

“Oh?” he asks, raising a brow.

“I find myself wondering right now, is this your usual offering of your services to me or is this a gift?” she inquires, watching his expression to see if it shifts at all.

“It can't be both?” he asks, and apparently he's intent on, at the very least, procrastinating in getting to the discussion hanging between them. She's not going to have _that_ either.

“Not after this afternoon, no,” she bluntly states. Maybe there would be a time that she would've let it slide, but not now. Time isn't really a luxury for them with all that's to come.

There's a moment he grows quiet, like he's considering what he wants to say. When he does, the tone of his voice is far more sincere. “...I didn't feel right coming empty handed.”

She can't quite hide the small smile she knows is on her face. “So you brought me arrows.”

Even though he's not quite looking at her, she can see he looks honestly embarrassed. “I'm a terrible judge of what would be appropriate for flowers. I considered asking my sister but that would've brought on...questions. You also can't hit a dragon with flowers, so I hoped you'd appreciate the functionality.”

“Oh, I know I'll make good use of them,” she assures, wanting that to remain very clear. The mention of even considering buying her flowers makes her flush a little, which she's sure he'll notice if he looks over at her. "I'm just still wondering now why you felt you needed to give me a gift."

She wants to hear him say it. He seems to understand and he finally looks at her squarely. It's almost a relief to see him blushing a little himself, as if it's a reminder she might not be the only one feeling like she's in over her head.

"Right, the reason. Well - I suppose I brought them because I knew I was at least coming here to apologize,” he explains, starting to look a little lost in his own head. She doesn't interrupt him, giving him the same sort of time he'd given her to sort her thoughts out. “Which I will do right now. I'm sorry. I cannot say what happened today is not something I've wanted to do for some time, but I certainly did not mean to just suddenly spring that on you and then leave. I've no real excuse for that beyond having an impressively difficult time breathing once I'd realized what I'd done.”

Everything else he says falls away except one very specific statement, if she's honest. Swallowing thickly, she asks, “...You've wanted to do that for some time?”

Percy glances aside at the question, though she can see a small, sad smile on his face. “You are beautiful and clever and far too kind to me, especially when I deserved nothing less than to be left behind. You're also a bit of a terror and impressively stubborn when you want to be, which I admit I enjoy watching too...especially when it's not directed at me. So to answer your question? Yes, of course. With that said, I've no expectations that you feel anything remotely similar for me, but I think you do deserve to know how high in esteem I hold you. If you wish, I -”

He never finishes that sentence.

All he'd had to say was yes. The fact he'd prefaces it by compliments doesn't exactly _hurt_ , but they aren't as important as the answer, which is what spurs her to action. It seems appropriate that he seems so in his own head that he doesn't notice her crossing the small distance between them, considering what had happened before. She reaches up to touch his cheek. His eyes widen slightly as he stops his sentence shorts and looks at her, searching her face.

“Ugh. I hate when my brother is right,” she sighs dramatically before she leans up and kisses him.

He stiffens up a little, but only briefly. By the time her hand is tangling in his hair, drawing him closer, she feels his arms slip around her, one hand solidly splaying against the small of her back. Despite everything, the kiss is gentle, soft. Warmth spreads through her and then, right after, a wash of giddiness hits her as she realizes this is really happening. It's a feeling she's not entirely sure she's ever experienced before, and it leaves her feeling light. She lets herself get lost in it, in how he feels against her.

When they part, it's only enough to look at each other. He looks mildly disheveled by the whole experience, which she has to admit is an _excellent_ look for him. 

“Well. Now we're even,” she jokes. A wide (though definitely dazed) smile spreads across his features, lighting his face up in a way she doesn't think she's ever seen before.

“Yes. Though I do hope that wasn't actual payback. I don't think I could take it,” he confesses. Laughing, she lifts up to kiss him again, partially because she knows she can. It's brief but clearly affectionate.

“I would never do that to you, darling,” she promises, all smiles herself now. “If I can be honest right now with you, I'd fully intended to tell you the same thing today. I thought I'd completely ruined my chances when I didn't.”

Percy's eyebrows furrow as he takes that information in.

“Really?” he asks, sounding not quite like he believes it.

“Don't get me wrong, I also wanted to tell you what I told you, so I'm glad at least I got that part out. But yes, really,” she says, glancing down as an uncharacteristic feeling of shyness hits her. “We're alike, you and I. For a long time I thought that was why I enjoyed your company most of all, but I'd been coming to the realization it ran so much deeper when you -”

She falters then, not really able to bring herself to say the word, lest she get emotional. She can't cry, not now, even as the image of his lifeless body feels burned in her memory – it'd be absolutely mortifying if she did. He seems to pick up she's struggling because she suddenly feels him take one of her hands and squeeze it gently. It makes her look up at him, sees the concern etched on his features.

“Sorry,” she apologizes, embarrassed. She takes a deep, steadying breath before continuing. “All I could think in _that_ moment was that I'd fucked up. I'd been so stupid. All these things I could've told you but didn't and you were gone. I couldn't fathom the idea of you not being around, that all these little things in my head that I kept putting off saying were things you'd never hear. It was too much.”

She hesitates then. There's something she knows she needs to tell him, but it's probably the hardest part of this now. She knows she can probably get away with not bringing it up, but it feels wrong to lie.

“...We read your goodbye letter, even though you came back. I was the one that opened it first. I know, I'm sorry, it hadn't been my place and you're fully in your rights to be upset, but – Percy, seeing you write that redemption was out of reach for you made me realize all the more how much I'd messed up,” she confesses, unable to look him in the eye as she admits it. She didn't regret what she'd done still, not really, but she still knew it had been wrong to do. “You have been holding that over yourself and I had never even noticed. All these kindnesses you've shown me, these gestures to help me through my own problems, and I'd never fully explained how much they meant to me. How much you mean to me, to everyone. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry.”

He's been quiet up until then. She half expects it's because he's upset at her, which is why she doesn't quite expect him to nudge her chin up to make her look at him. What she finds is no sign of anger on his face, just something akin to sadness.

“You've nothing to apologize for. Well, perhaps about reading the note without asking, but I suppose that's nothing to be get too angry over. Though I admit I'm curious when did you slip it back to – you know what, it's not important,” he decides, shaking his head. She swears she sees some flash of amusement before the slightly grim one returns. “But yes, about that letter. When I wrote it, I likely wouldn't have listened even if you said anything. I have been and...well, I suppose I still am a difficult person. Probably more trouble than I'm worth, really. I can't promise I'll ever get any better at this, but I do hear you now. I'm glad I've helped you in whatever capacity I've been able to.”

She knows it's a simple statement of self-deprecation, but she feels it appropriate to point out, “To be fair, I think we're all a bit more trouble than we're worth. Except Pike. Way too good for our group, honestly.”

Percy lets out a chuckle at that, shaking his head. “I'll certainly not argue with that.”

The tension feels lighter now, nearly gone, with everything out in the opening. It'd felt like it'd all been bearing down on her chest before, but not any longer. She looks at him for a long moment before wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a hug, burying her face against his chest. It's as comforting as she expected it'd be and something she'd been wanting to do, truly, since he took that breath. “...I'm glad you came back, you know. I'd have never forgiven you if you hadn't.”

She feels him press a light kiss on top of her forehead. “I have to say, I'm glad to be back too. I always hate incurring your wrath.”

A laugh bubbles out of her, muffled by the thick cloth of his shirt. It doesn't really take her long to realize how little she wants him to leave, how much she likes just having him around, period. Added to the feeling is the very real concern this might be the last time they'd be able to be alone like this for a while. She'd held back only to regret the decision too many times now. She wouldn't do it anymore, not when so much is up in the air.

There's no preamble to it when she requests, “Stay with me tonight. Please.”

The question is simple but she knows it's weighted. It's not as though this was the first time she ever invited someone to spend the night in her quarters, of course, but he was certainly the first it meant so much to do so. She worries briefly that she might be moving too quickly, but he quiets the worry by simply lifting a hand to brush back some of of her hair from her face.

“If you'll have me, of course,” he answers, as if he hadn't needed to give it a second thought.

It's not as though his agreement erases what they both know is to come and what looms over them. Still, it's very easy to forget everything for a while as the kiss they share is far more urgent than before and her hands practically move on their own to start helping him remove his coat. As much as she assumes her heart would be beating out of her chest in that moment, it all feels comfortable. There's no awkward fumbling once they start, like it's completely natural for them to be together.

In the end, after they'd long settled into her bed together, she lays there for a while, listening to his breathing slow as he drifts off. Curled up against him, her cheek resting on his chest, it doesn't take her long to follow.

The fact doesn't escape her, later on, that the night ends up being the first time sleep comes easy to her since he'd died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnd fin. Thank you all for reading and the kudos and such. I am very new to the community and only recently caught up but man, these characters are something special.
> 
> (and on a side note, I really, really do want Percy to awkwardly give her arrows after all this. Laura plays Vex being /so happy/ every time he presents some to her.)


End file.
